


penny for your thoughts?

by ArteaCactus



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dirty Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Rated M just in case, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Violent Thoughts, basically remus has an intrusive thought outburst, i cant think of many rn, its not the prettiest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26627269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArteaCactus/pseuds/ArteaCactus
Summary: Sometimes Remus bottled up his intrusive thoughts for so long that they forced their way out of him in a long, exhausting breakdown. He was used to it, and he always had Janus there to help him out when they struck, in the privacy of his own room.Unfortunately, he couldn't escape the discussion fast enough this time.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 227





	penny for your thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello!! please heed the tags and warnings on this one! i don't think they're THAT bad, but they're still intrusive thoughts, and i know all too well how easily they can weasel their way into your head, so please be warned that remus VERY MUCH embodies his trait as intrusive thoughts in this one!!
> 
> this was the answer to a prompt given via tumblr asks- the prompts were "I've got you." and "Are you okay?"
> 
> un-beta'd!

Remus encapsulated all of Thomas’ intrusive, unwanted thoughts, and was very loud and invasive as a result. He couldn’t control it, not very well anyway- he did his best to spare others of the truly grotesque ones. But, unfortunately, his constant, active repression of himself caused him to get a little… _unstable_.

If he restrains himself for far too long, he’ll burst- and not in a fun way, like ejaculation and whatnot. He would, in a sense, lose control, and start senselessly babbling and getting all the _awful_ thoughts out of his head, until they had all fled his mouth and successfully scarred everyone in the vicinity. 

Usually, he had Janus to help him ride out the episodes when they struck. He would sit there and hold him, preventing him from hurting himself or others (because sometimes, the outbursts effected him physically as well), and reassure him that he was there and listening until Remus settled down. 

This time, he was alone.

Well. Not alone, actually, he was in a pretty crowded room, but no one there could help him so he was pretty well _alone_.

Plus, no one even knew _what_ was going on.

When he’d felt it coming, he tried to leave or, at the very least, summon Janus before he succumbed to his mind, but nothing worked- they kept pestering him and forced him to _stay_ and partake in their discourse- and his mind was too much of a clusterfuck to successfully summon anything, and soon enough, he felt something _snap_ in the back of his mind and it all came pouring out.

“What if you bodyslammed a bride as she was walking down the aisle of her wedding?” Remus began, his crimson eyes brighter than usual, but no one seemed to notice. They merely cringed at his suggestion, and tried to ignore him. However, Remus continued, because he couldn’t hold back anymore- “Imagine if you set fire to a funeral home, while a funeral was in session!”

“ _Dude_ ,” Virgil cringed, shrinking back into his hoodie, and Thomas looked disturbed. Remus tried to catch Virgil’s eye, because if _anyone_ knew what was going on it’d be _him_ , but the Side was pointedly keeping his gaze turned away. Remus felt his stomach drop as he realized he was going to have to ride this one out _alone_. 

“What would human taste like? If you eat yourself to death, is it cannibalism or suicide?” Remus babbled, and his fists clenched, the urge to _scratch_ and _pull_ hitting him like a train. He forced it down the best he could, but it made his skin tingle uncomfortably. “What if you made bread, and fucked the dough, and served it to your family?”

“Remus!” Patton’s affronted gasp fell on deaf ears, all sound around him going muffled and distant, as if someone was holding their hands over his ears. “What if we made pancakes with our own blood and gave it to the elderly? Did you know your jaw has enough power to bite off a finger as easily as a carrot- and the only thing stopping you is your brain telling you it’s a bad idea? We should test it, we should bite and keep _biting_ until it _snaps_ and the blood comes pouring out and bleed out on the floor-” 

“Remus?” Thomas fretted, watching Remus’ fingers dig into the sides of his head, palms pressing against his ears so hard that his arms shook with the force of it, and realized this wasn’t as simple as Remus being his usual grotesque self- he was going through an _episode_ of some sort, and Thomas had no idea how to help him. 

“-What if you made a voodoo doll of your grandma and tossed it in the oven-”

“Guys, what do I do?” Thomas’ voice was a little higher in panic, and the others didn’t seem to be doing much better. 

“I- I don’t- I don’t know-” Patton stammered, trying his hardest to ignore the thoughts Remus spewed, “I’ve never dealt with this before-”

Roman and Logan looked just as lost, and Thomas felt hopeless, because if Logan didn’t know how to handle it then what was he going to _do_ -

“You need to summon Deceit,” Virgil finally burst, his eyes wide as the realization of what was happening washed over him. He’d only ever been witness to two of Remus’ outbursts before, back when he was still one of them, but he knew they happened more frequently than that, and that Deceit was the one that dealt with them most of the time. “Like _right now_ ,” He stressed as he was merely given incredulous stares, whereas Remus was starting to yank and pull at his hair.

“I- uh, okay-” Thomas stumbled over his words, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Janus, buddy, we kind of really need you, please- like _really need you_ , if you could come as soon as _right now_ -”

“Thomas?” Janus rose up in his spot next to Logan, the Side stepping closer towards Virgil to make room, “What is it you need my assistance for?”

Ignoring Virgil’s exclamation of shock at the use of Janus’ name, Thomas gestured wildly towards Remus, and looked helplessly at Janus. “Virgil said we needed you for this, I don’t- I don’t know what’s going on with him-”

Finally, Janus seemed to hear the babbling from the corner of the room, his eyes stretched wider in surprise than anyone had ever seen, and he sprung into action at once.

“Remus, darling, can you give me your hands, please?” Janus’ voice was soft, soothing, despite his worried expression, and as he approached Remus, he held his hands out to him, gloves vanishing with a snap of his fingers. 

The new sound, something soft and purring and so distinctly _Janus_ made Remus’ eyes open (he wasn’t quite positive when he’d shut them), and saw a smudge of gold and black through the tears clouding his gaze. Shakily, he shook his head, the action taking far more effort than it should have- he couldn’t move, couldn’t take his hands away from their scratching and pulling no matter how much he wanted to.

“That’s alright, I’m going to touch you now, okay?” Janus soothed, and, slow and steady to make sure Remus wouldn’t freak out at sudden movement, reached forward and gripped Remus’ forearms. Slowly, he slid his hands up until he could squeeze his fingers between Remus’ and his skull, holding Remus’ hands and forcing them away from himself with a small grunt of effort. Luckily, the new, cold sensation of Janus’ skin was enough of an intrigue to Remus’ muddled mind that he clung to them and followed their directions without much of a fight. 

Now holding onto Remus’ hands, the other squeezing him so hard his knuckles were white, Janus managed to manouvre them a little closer to the stairwell and further away from the others (Virgil had leaped over between Logan and Thomas as soon as he saw Janus and Remus approach), just in case Remus lashed out in some way. 

“-you’re so _cold_ Janus what if you were thrown into a freezer would you hibernate or die of frostbite or-” Remus’ body tensed up as he ranted on, his eyes glassy and full of pain, and Janus blinked back kindly at him. He knew how awful Remus felt when his intrusive thoughts became violent towards those he loved, and he tried his best to non-verbally assure him that he was perfectly aware that Remus wasn’t _actually_ going to hurt him and that he was safe. 

“It’s alright, darling, I’m here, I’m listening,” Janus kept repeating over and over, like a mantra, “Let’s sit down, alright?” With minimal effort, he coerced Remus’ uncooperative form to sit down at the stairs with him, Janus kneeling in front of his shaking form. In any other situation, Janus would have been embarrassed to be caught so loving and soft towards anyone, but given the circumstances, he just ignored the stares he felt boring into his back, his own skin prickling uncomfortably. 

“Jan- _Jan_ -” Remus’ choked words cut off with a whimper, and Janus pulled Remus close to his chest, shushing him softly. “You’re okay, Rem, I have you, I’ve got you,” He soothed, and nodded his head towards their _audience_. “Could one of you make yourselves useful and get some water, and put on a movie or _something,_ as long as it’sdistracting?”

At once, Patton sprung up and raced into the kitchen faster than Janus had ever seen him move, and Roman fumbled with the television remote and DVD player, trying to turn something on as fast as he could.

With the help of the added distraction (which also helped with distracting Thomas from the intrusive thoughts as well), and Janus encouraging Remus to sip water between his outbursts, slowly, the never ending train of thoughts eased up until Remus was able to put a cap on it, gasping for breath and clinging to Janus like a lifeline. 

“Are you okay?” Janus murmured, capturing both of Remus’ hands in his scaled one, and using the other to card his fingers through Remus’ tangled, greasy hair.

“I- I think so,” Remus rasped, his trembling lessening as the seconds passed.

“Can, uh, can anyone _please_ explain to me _what_ just happened?” Thomas finally spoke, his voice just as shaky as Remus’ as the barrage of gruesome thoughts fell from the forefront of his mind. 

Janus sighed, and as he explained to Thomas (and everyone else) what the outburst was and how it was triggered, Remus finally came out of his episode and was able to move, flexing his fingers and cracking his neck. His entire body felt sore and he wanted a _nap_.

“Oh, Remus, I’m so sorry we forced you to bottle yourself up until you exploded!” The guilt and sorrow in Thomas’ voice made Remus cringe in disgust- he hated _feelings_ , “Is there any way we can make those outbursts.. stop? Or at least, _really_ lessen their frequency?”

Janus and Remus both shrugged. Remus had been holding himself back for as long as he could remember- he had no idea if he was just eternally cursed to his episodes or if there _was_ a way to stop them.

“We’re used to it!” Remus chirped, the croak in his voice the only thing indicating he even _had_ a breakdown. “No need to worry!”

“Wh- _No need to worry_? Remus, this is _dangerous_ , it’s _hurting_ you-”

“And what do _you_ care?” Remus scoffed, the sudden bitterness in his tone taking even Janus by surprise, “I’m the _bad_ Creativity, remember? It doesn’t matter if it hurts me or not, because I’m not a _good guy_.”

And with that, Remus had disappeared, taking Janus with him, and leaving the others to stew in their own stunned guilt.

“Darling, are you really okay?” Janus asked him the moment they had arrived to the comfort of Remus’ cluttered bedroom, and Remus knew by the look in his eye that he wasn’t asking because of the episode.

“As okay as I’ll ever be, Jan,” Remus replied, and as much as he hated to see the dissatisfaction in Janus’ expression, he couldn’t offer a better answer.

Luckily, Janus dropped it, and gestured towards the bed, instead.

“Come on, you must be exhausted, let’s nap.”

And Remus perked up, because that was the _best_ thought he’d heard all day.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u sm for reading!! kudos are appreciated and comments are encouraged- they're my biggest motivators! <3


End file.
